Those Who Can’t Love & Those Who Can’t Understand Why

Have you ever met one of those people who don’t allow themselves to have a genuine connection with another person – to just let their wall down, open their hearts up and build the loving relationship they deserve? Or maybe you are that person. Its something I’ve given a lot of thought to over the past few years as I’ve had friendships and relationships with those who sabotage themselves and most don’t even realize it. I’ve developed a much better understanding for why so many feel this way and maybe it will help you better understand another person – or even yourself. Love is the most beautiful connection and powerful healing force we can experience. When I’m in love I feel like I can conquer anything, I smile more, have more confidence, more energy, my hair and skin look more radiant – it practically oozes out of my pores. If you haven’t experienced it yet, there are no words to accurately describe the feeling, you can only experience it for yourself to truly understand. And you should- because it will change you forever – so don’t be scared.

If you are someone who holds back a lot of emotion in a relationship, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. If you’re doing this out of fear or self-defense, ask yourself on a deeper level, why you are so scared or defensive. Is it because your parents had a rough marriage/separation? A lack of self love? Are you holding on to something from your past? Are you afraid to give up control? Do you feel like your not worth being loved or no one could ever love you if they knew the real you? Maybe its something else but whatever it is, I assure you it is normal – BUT – here’s the thing: you have to move on from it. You have to understand and address whatever gremlins are hiding in and guarding your heart because they will eat away at your life before you know it. They will hold you back from living to your fullest – from the most amazing feeling you’ll ever have.

One of the clearest giveaways for me is when someone is holding back their thoughts – even on the little things – its easy to tell when someone just isn’t giving “all of themselves” to you. Its devastating to be in a relationship with someone who is unable to give or accept love, especially if you are so willing and ready to give it. As a very open and extroverted person, I had a very difficult time understanding why anyone would be like that; I literally could not relate. If that is you too and you’re driving yourself crazy trying understand someone, start by understanding that we all have a past that makes up who we are today and that includes some possibly unresolved issues. Those take a lot of time, energy, patience, understanding and love to acknowledge and heal. For some this is easy once they
address it and for other it can take years. Its not always up to you to figure it out for someone else and fix it for them as much as you may want to. It is nothing you did and sometimes there is nothing you can do. Relieve yourself of that responsibility, lend a hand  and support when you can and know when to take a step back (its okay to do that).

If you are struggling with this issue I hope you found this helpful – I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences, please feel free to share!

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  1. Insightful article. I feel like Im simultaneously on both ends of the spectrum (if that makes any sense) I’d talk about but it would be easier to do in person / call you as its too much for me to type out. (you’d need some background info)

  2. I am currently into someone for 2 years and he has made it very clear to me that he can never love. it hurts so much because I have so much love to give.